The Power of Boundaries
Week 44, 2024
Hey there,
Today, I want to chat about something that’s been on my mind a lot this week—boundaries. It may sound like a buzzword, but let’s dive into what it really means and why it matters for our emotional health and well-being.
Understanding Boundaries
At its core, a boundary is a line we draw to protect our emotional space. It helps us define what we’re comfortable with and what we’re not. By establishing clear boundaries, we give ourselves permission to say “yes” to what aligns with our needs and “no” to what doesn’t. This can be empowering, especially for those of us who have experienced trauma or chronic stress.
The Impact of Trauma on Boundaries
For many of us who have faced challenging experiences, our understanding of boundaries can become muddled. Sometimes, we might have been in situations where our boundaries were violated, making it difficult to know how to set them. This can lead to being overly rigid—shutting people out completely—or too porous, allowing everything and everyone in, even when it feels uncomfortable.
It’s important to recognise that everyone’s journey with boundaries is different. If you find yourself struggling, know that it’s completely normal. Understanding how your past experiences shape your relationship with boundaries is a crucial step in the healing process.
The Benefits of Setting Boundaries
Defining and communicating our boundaries creates a sense of safety. Think of it as a protective shield—allowing only what feels right into your life. Setting boundaries can also improve your relationships. When you’re clear about your needs, it helps others understand how to support you better, leading to deeper connections. It allows you to engage with people from a place of genuine choice rather than obligation.
My Recent Boundary Story
I’ve felt the need to set some boundaries on LinkedIn to keep it a positive, sustainable space. I’m there to connect, network, and build a community, but certain patterns started to feel draining.
Firstly, there’s the “pitch-slapping”—sales pitches right after connecting. I value genuine relationships, and jumping straight into a pitch just doesn’t build that. I’ve also had numerous personal help requests. While I truly want to support others, offering personal assistance over social media isn’t part of my professional role, and it’s not ethical in this context. Lastly, I’ve encountered a surprising number of phishing attempts asking me to sponsor people or send resources. I’m a humanitarian at heart, but I’m also wise to scams and need to protect my energy and focus.
These boundaries help me stay present, engaged, and ready for the meaningful connections that make LinkedIn so valuable. To everyone who respects these limits—thank you! It’s people like you who make these spaces so rewarding.
Reflecting on Your Boundaries
As we think about boundaries this week, I invite you to reflect on your own. How do you feel about setting boundaries in your life? Are there areas where you feel overwhelmed and could benefit from a little more clarity? It’s important to approach this reflection with kindness and curiosity. Your feelings are valid, and your boundaries deserve to be honoured.
Weekly Affirmation
“I am worthy of respect, and the boundaries I set protect my well-being.”
Embracing the Journey
Let’s remember that setting boundaries is a vital part of self-care.
You’re not alone in this, and every step toward understanding your boundaries is a step toward greater emotional freedom and empowerment.
Weekly Inspirations
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~ Brene Brown
This quote highlights that setting boundaries is a brave act of self-care. It reminds us to prioritise our own needs, even if it might disappoint others. Taking care of ourselves is essential for our healing and growth.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
This insightful resource offers guidance on recognising and establishing healthy boundaries in various areas of your life, essential for fostering emotional well-being. 🔗Listen to a sample of the audiobook here.The Mindset Mentor Podcast, Episode: “How to Stop People Pleasing and Set Boundaries”, hosted by Rod Dial.
This episode explores the challenges of people-pleasing and offers practical strategies for setting healthy boundaries. I found his conversation on people pleasing very powerful.
Over to You—Journal Prompts
Reflect on your boundaries:
Let’s take a moment to think about the boundaries in your life. What boundaries do you currently have? Are there areas where you feel either too rigid or too relaxed? Explore how these boundaries affect your relationships and how you feel on a daily basis. Remember, it’s all about curiosity, not judgement.Identify your needs:
Can you recall a recent time when you felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed? What boundaries might have helped protect you in that situation? Write about what you needed in that moment. Acknowledging those needs is crucial for creating a safer space for yourself in the future.Exploring guilt:
Do you ever feel guilty when you set boundaries? This is more common than you might think! Consider a specific instance where you felt that way. What thoughts contributed to your guilt? Challenge those beliefs and remind yourself that your boundaries are essential for your well-being. It’s perfectly acceptable to prioritise your needs.
Try This—Create Your Own Boundary Map
This activity will help you identify your boundaries and recognise where you might need to set new ones.
Gather materials:
Find a quiet space and grab a notebook and a pen. Coloured pens can add some fun!Draw your map:
Draw a large circle in the middle of the page to represent yourself. Inside, write down things that bring you joy and support.Current boundaries:
Draw a larger circle around the first one. In this outer circle, note your current boundaries related to time, energy, and relationships (e.g., “I say no to social events when overwhelmed”).Areas for growth:
Think about where your boundaries may be too loose or absent. Write these in the space between the circles.Set intentions:
Choose one or two boundaries to strengthen. Write them down, such as “I won’t check emails after 6 PM” or “I’ll decline invitations if I’m tired.”Reflect:
After finishing your map, take a moment to consider what you’ve learned about your needs and how these boundaries could enhance your well-being.
Revisit your boundary map regularly to make adjustments. This activity promotes self-awareness and reinforces the importance of self-care.
Let’s Wrap Up
Setting boundaries is essential for your emotional health. It takes time, but each step towards defining your limits enhances your self-awareness and fosters healthier relationships.
I encourage you to try the boundary mapping activity and reflect on the journal prompts. These can provide useful insights into your needs.
As you go through this week, notice how your boundaries impact your daily life. Take a moment to pause and see if they are serving you well. Remember, prioritising your well-being is important, and your feelings matter.
Thank you for being here and for taking steps to care for yourself. I’m grateful to share this journey with you, and I believe we can find clarity together, even in the chaos.
Take care, and I look forward to connecting next week!
With Gratitude,
Dana xo.